Only Her Heart (The Jaded Hearts Club) Read online

  “Jules! That is not how I meant it, but you kinda just vanished out of my life for more than a few months. Did you expect time to freeze frame until you came back?” I began to feel the anger and frustration building.

  “I expected you to write me back. That’s what I expected,” he snapped.

  “What?” I was baffled by his reply.

  “Yes. Write me back, as in respond to my letters. You could have said ‘fuck off loser, I have a man’, or ‘I don’t want you, sorry’. Anything would have been better than ignoring me,” he grumbled.

  “What are you talking about? I never received a letter from you. Nothing! I wouldn’t have been so angry at you if I had. Are you being serious?” My mind was blown by the thought that he had tried to reach out to me, and I didn’t know about it.

  “Jade. I wrote you three letters. Did Edward not give them to you?” Julian’s tone was much calmer, almost eerie.

  “I promise you. I got nothing. Nada, zip, zilch.” We both just stared at each other, lost in our own thoughts. I thought back to my run in with Edward, and how rude he was. I assumed that he had spoken to Julian about me, but maybe that wasn’t even the case.

  Julian was even deeper in thought, with an ominous scowl residing across his face. I waited to see what conclusion he came up with. I resisted the urge to reach out and touch him.

  “I don’t understand. Why would Edward not give them to you? He assured me that he had.”

  “Well, not for nothing, I don’t really have the nicest things to say about Edward. He insulted me at my Aunt’s party last month. Insinuating that I had low morals because I had moved on with John. If it weren’t for Jackie, I would have gone ape shit on him.”

  “Jackie? What does she have to do with anything?” He seemed as bewildered as I was when I found out the deal between those two.

  “Oh, so you didn’t know that they have been dating either? And keeping it on the low. I thought that was weird too. Very weird.”

  Julian tossed his head back against his pillow. I guess he had information overload. He rubbed his temples, squeezing his eyes to shut out all the confusion.

  “This is all too much. C’mon. Lets get dressed so we can eat, and I can take you down to finish up your police report. Maybe Mr. Walsh will have some answers for us.” He swatted my thigh in encouragement. Hold up!

  “So, that’s it? We are just going to pretend that your letters going missing didn’t happen? What the fuck, is this the twilight zone?” As confusing as it all was, I almost welcomed it. Give me something else to feel besides despair.“Calm down, chica. Right now neither of us has anything but questions. I’m going to get to the bottom of this. Don’t you worry.”

  I wasn’t pleased with leaving things up in the air, but he was right. We were both missing a piece of the puzzle. What reason would Edward have to not give me my letters?

  We ventured out, sporting ball caps pulled down low, hiding our faces like celebrities. We took a cab all the way up to harlem, then ducked into a small restaurant. I found it amusing, how serious he was taking things, but better safe than sorry. For all his covert actions, Julian was instantly recognized by the guy behind the counter.

  “Juliano! Long time, mi cumbila!” After a long, welcoming handshake and introduction, Miguel set off to make our breakfast sandwiches. I guess Julian informed him that we were acting in undercover mode, because he motioned us towards the back into the kitchen where they made the hot meals. I watched as the two men exchanged a hushed conversation, making out a few words in Spanish that eluded to Miguel bringing Julian up to speed on things that have been going on.

  Then, instead of leaving out the front door, Miguel unlocked his back entrance that lead out to a pseudo alleyway. Across from us was the side door to a high-rise apartment building. Julian pulled out his keys and in we went. I followed quietly behind him through the dim hallway, to a set of shiny brass elevator doors.

  The silence continued as we rode the elevator that smelled of pine-sol, last night's dinner and the faintest hint of piss. I shrugged off my queasiness of the odd mixture and made sure nothing on me touched any part of the elevator. I kept my eyes lowered, and hidden by the brim of my fitted Yankee baseball hat, but when I peeked up, I met Julian’s deep gaze. A sliver of apprehension tore through me; I knew that look all too well... He wanted me. For the last few hours we danced around the inevitable, and now he was leaving and I couldn't ignore it anymore. I held his stare and the temperature of the small lift shot up a few degrees when he smiled. Not even a pesky bruise could mar his sexiness.

  I sighed, partly with relief, when the doors slid open and he turned away. Mostly because I had fresh air to breath again! We walked the full length of the long hallway until we hit the apartment at the end, and I watched Julian use his fingerprint to unlock the door. What kinda James Bond shit is this?

  Scanning the apartment as we entered, it was very apparent that this was more than just one unit. I couldn't tell, but from what I could see it had to be at least 2 units converted into one. The floor plan was very similar to mine except it was all one level, and the view didn't include water. It was also much more masculine, with muted grays and neutral tones for his color scheme. The charcoal leather couch was the focal point of his living room, and his walls were decorated with afro-cuban pieces. It was very sexy. Very Julian. While I was roaming the apartment, Julian set out plates for our sandwiches and then motioned for me to sit with him on two huge bean bag cushions in front of the TV.

  "So, is this your place?" I asked before plopping down next to him. His eyes sparkled with laughter while he watched me settle in, and grab my sandwich. The first bite was so good, I moaned in delight. It was an explosion of eggs and breakfast meats with a light creamy cheese sauce.

  "Yes, this is my place, and that is my favorite sandwich. I don't know what Miguel does to make it so good, but I don't care. We can eat here and then head back downtown." He took a hearty bite of his and shoved a handful of chips into his mouth. I gawked at him, totally enthralled by how fast he was devouring his meal.

  "My, what a big mouth you have!" I teased. He smiled even bigger after he gulped down another bite, and then lunged at me.

  "The better to eat you with, my dear!"

  He caught me totally off guard, tumbling me unto the bean-bag and re-enacting his finest rendition of the big bad wolf.

  "Julian!" I tried to fight him off, but his tickling had me under complete control. Then the tickling turned to touching, and tugging and my laughter turned into sighs and moans. When his lips finally met mine, my half eaten sandwich couldn't taper the hunger I felt inside. His kiss was flavored with salty chips and his own sweet essence. I licked and sucked until he groaned against my cheek. The warmth of his breath against my skin made me squirm. His lips moved lower, gently brushing across my collarbone. My hands were grasping at his uncharacteristically long hair while I writhed. My entire body was taut with tension, and bristled with excitement when his palms brushed against my nipples. When I felt him begin to relax and pull away, I held him tighter.

  “No, hermosa. We should stop,” he murmured into my shoulder. I let out a heavy sigh.

  “I know.” Even though I agreed, I was still frustrated. I hated not being able to keep up with my own feelings from one minute to the next; feeling so out of sync. Every time I kissed Julian I ruffled the veil that had hidden my true feelings for him all these months. I never really faced how much I missed him and I was paying for it, big time. Before I knew it, a trail of tears began to trickle down my cheeks. Jesus be a never ending supply of Kleenex!

  “You’re crying.” Julian attempted to dry my soaked cheek and ears with his thumbs, but gave up when he realized this was an ongoing event. The more concern he showed the harder I cried. I felt like an inconsolable toddler.

  “It hurt so bad, when you left. I didn’t want to think about you. I even hated you at one point,” I finally admitted. Julian’s face held the expression of guilt until he found his
own words.

  “I’m sorry. I hate that I’m the reason you feel this way.” He swiped at the final tear on my face, rubbing it between his fingertips until it evaporated. With it went my melodramatic mood. I exhaled a deep breath, pushed him off of me, and got back to my sandwich. Julian just sat there looking thoroughly confused. I should have sent him a welcome to my world greeting card.

  “Come on. Let’s just finish up and do what we have to do,” I insisted. Julian didn’t disagree. He actually looked slightly relieved, but I noticed that he’d lost his enthusiasm for his sandwich. Join the club, buddy...

  Ch 03 Hill Street Blues

  Having stuffed ourselves full, courtesy of Miguel, we did a little shopping for things Julian would need for his trip. Ok, maybe a lot of shopping, for little odds and ends he couldn’t get wherever he was disappearing to. It irked me to no end that he couldn’t tell me. His only response was that I should just come with him, and then I would know what I needed to know.

  Once he was satisfied with his purchases, we hailed a taxi downtown to the police precinct. I had never been inside a precinct before, and if they all looked like a first class imitation of the post office from Men in Black, I hoped to never see one again. God awful is the only description that comes to mind. Thankfully, Julian dealt with the gruff, NYPD officers who were so busy, they wouldn’t have paid us any mind even if we were getting robbed inside the station. We were told very kindly to ‘wait ova dere’.

  A short while later Ryan, Detective Walsh, came strutting out to meet us. I looked around the drab environment at the other officers and knew he didn’t belong there. There was a force within him that was barely contained. I tried not to stare, but he reminded me so much of John. It was ridiculous! There were some differences in height and bulk, but everything else was very similar. Ryan flashed a confident smile as he approached us, shaking Julian’s hand, and patting me on my shoulder to guide us into his office.

  “Thanks for stopping by. Usually I have to do all the follow up on things like this. I guess most people don’t find a trip to the police station a particularly thrilling event,” he joked.

  “Well I can attest to that, especially if they all look like this one. Actually, it was Julian’s idea to come down here, so I can’t take the credit of being a proactive Samaritan.” I glanced at Julian who was casually scrolling through his text messages. He seemed very relaxed around Ryan, unlike the visit in the hospital. He looked up, amused by my statement.

  “Well, I figured she wouldn't want to come down alone, so why not just get it over with since I’m still here.” He leaned back in his chair, making himself comfortable, and holding my hand in his lap. Ryan also leaned back in his seat, seeming very laid back for someone who was about to do some serious questioning. Pissing contest, anyone?

  Going over the report I gave him in the hospital, I watched as Ryan quietly tried to solve an imaginary puzzle that I wasn’t privy to. I provided as many details as I could remember for him to add to it, but it was basically a repeat of our first meeting. Just when I thought we were done, he raked both hands threw his dark blonde hair and took a deep sigh. Just.Like.John!

  “So, I have a few things I want to discuss with you. First, have you considered seeing a therapist regarding your attack?”

  Totally taken aback, I stammered in my response. “Well, I um… No, I hadn’t thought about that.” A twinge of uncomfortableness poked at my chest. My only thoughts about that night were that I wanted to put it behind me.

  “In my experience, the quicker you get in to see someone and get the tools on how to cope with the incident, the faster your recovery.” Ryan’s tone was filled with concern, but I still didn’t want to have this conversation.

  “Well, I don’t see how talking about it will help me. I just want to put it behind me, and move on.”

  Ryan regarded me seriously before responding.

  “Believe me, I understand where you’re coming from. It’s just that unless you are emotionally equipped with handling trauma, you may be susceptible to PTSD. It doesn’t always show up when you expect it to.”

  I shook my head, really not trying to have a conversation about my emotional IQ.

  “Thanks Ryan, but I’m fine. Was there something else that you wanted to discuss?” I glanced over at Julian who was eyeing me with slight confusion, but he remained quiet. I returned my gaze to Ryan, who was nodding in his acceptance to drop the subject.

  “OK. Maybe you may be more receptive to this suggestion; have you thought about leaving New York for a while? What bothers me about this case is the lack of insight on the assailant. You were led to believe it was because of a particular vendetta, but in reality that was a lie and we have no leads. So, I think it would be safer for you to get away for a while since you were abducted in front of your apartment building. I know that Julian was in hiding for months and the night he stepped back into town he was attacked. Now, to me, that suggests it’s someone close. That’s just not enough to work with.” He sat back in his seat, steepling his fingertips under his chin. I felt a cold wave of nausea creep through me, similar to my episode in the hospital, except I didn’t fear I would vomit. At least not right away.

  “Jade? Are you ok?” Ryan rose from his seat and made his way around his desk in a motion so stealth that it startled me. Julian leaned closer to me, assessing me with a concerned scowl.

  “Jade?” Julian tried to capture my attention, but my focus was on the gradual subsiding of the ringing in my ears.

  “I’m sorry, I think it’s this office. I’m kind of feeling, I don’t know, a little claustrophobic.” I tried to assure them both that I was ok, but I wasn’t even sure of that fact.

  “Ok, well I just needed to go over those options with you. Your safety is my main goal for the remainder of this investigation, aside from finding your attackers. You have my number. If you wanna discuss anything with me, please don’t hesitate to call.”

  I nodded in acceptance of Ryan’s offer as Julian helped me to my feet.

  “Thanks.” That was about all I could manage to say at that point. It wasn’t until we were outside in the cool September air that I felt almost back to normal. Once we had walked a few blocks away from the precinct, Julian broke his silence.

  “Are you feeling better?”

  “Yeah. I’m starving again. Are you hungry? Let’s get some Thai or something.” I hoped that my new agenda of getting us fed would deter the questions I could feel where coming.

  “Yes, Thai works. Whatever you want to get. Why were you being so stubborn back there?”

  Here we go...

  “I wasn’t being stubborn,” I replied casually.

  “You were. He was just trying to help, and you got all… I don’t know, bitchy. That’s the only word that comes to mind.”

  I stopped mid stride, causing him to turn back towards me as I spoke. How could I explain that I wasn’t trying to be a bitch without having another conversation about the semi-panic attack that had shut me down?

  “Look, I just didn’t want to talk about it. If I do either of those things, I would want to discuss it with someone I knew, not a virtual stranger. And, I’m hungry again. That’s my main concern right now. I can focus on everything else after that.”

  Julian’s eyes narrowed slightly as he considered his response.

  “So is that why you looked like you were going to pass out? Because you were hungry?”

  Fuck! Knowing how aggressive he was when he wanted to talk about something I decided to placate him for the moment, instead of waging a battle on 7th ave.

  “Julian,” I purred as sweetly as possible. “Can we please eat first? I promise, I’m not discounting either option, it’s just that I need time to think. OK?”

  His face sported a smug grin, letting me know that I wasn’t fooling him, but he didn’t press any further.

  “Fine. Thai it is, then.”

  I smiled in mock triumph of that little battle won. I pulled on my shades, hid
ing the real doubt that was nagging me. I didn’t know how to feel about any of this. Julian seemed to let it go, so we continued on our quest for lunch. The day wasn’t even half over yet, and already I was falling apart.

  <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

  Lunch was pretty uneventful. As hungry as I claimed to be, I had to force myself to actually eat it. My stomach was in knots after meeting with Ryan, and my apprehension of our pending goodbye wasn’t helping either. Anyway, that didn’t prevent me from enjoying dessert. I’ve never been able to turn down fried bananas and ice cream.

  Julian paid the tab, and we gathered up our bags and hailed a cab. He instructed the driver to proceed to my address. I stared out the window, not wanting to show the plummeting of my mood. I wanted to ask how much time we had left together, but part of me didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to feel the finality of the situation until it was over. When we pulled up to my building, I glanced over and judging by the look on his face, I wasn’t the only one consumed by my thoughts.

  We rode the elevator up in silence. I tried to find comfort in the silence, but the truth of the matter was that the quiet was killing me. I wanted the fun and carefree Jade and Julian. There I go trying to cling to denial. It was such a bad habit, but one that I had lived by for so long. It was time to pull out my big girl panties and wear the hell out of them. I tried to ready myself for the emotional ride that was sure to come. Nothing between us had ever been anything less than intense. Why would this be any different?

  I felt slightly comforted as I entered my apartment. I headed to the kitchen for something cold to drink.

  “Do you want anything?” I grabbed a bottle of water, looking to Julian for his response. He was still deep in thought, a severe frown creasing his brow.